The Icebreaker

I moved to Milan, Italy recently to pursue a career in classical singing, a.k.a. Opera for most people. It turns out, it's not at all easy, I sometimes think it's even impossible. I came here with almost no money, to stay at my long-time Milanese boyfriend's house and to audition for a good music school. All these schools ask for so many things, things I didn't know I couldn't give them but as it turns out, I failed both auditions I took and I am now stuck here, without anything to do, considering I can't pay for any private lessons, and about to go out of my mind. I chose to do something I've always been really good at: overeating.

Yes. I've always loved food. You could say I'm an emotional eater; you know how you hear from most people that have meltdowns how they lose their appetite, yeah well, that has NEVER happened to me, and when I say never, I mean NEVER. So yes, I'm an emotional eater, which would be OK if I only overate whenever a meltdown turned up, but the major problem is, I'm always emotional, ALWAYS. I overeat when I'm happy, when I'm not happy, when I'm pissed, when I'm tired, when I'm sick, you name it, I just can never seem to stop eating.

As most dieters, I've tried just about everything: pills, weight watchers, the moon diet, the soup diet, the South Beach Diet, therapists (to deal with the emotional stuff...) going solo, just everything I can think of. There was nothing wrong with these diets, if you follow them they definitely work, that's their purpose, but I discovered that while I was on them I never came around to accepting the most important thing about me: I just LOVE eating. I do. I even have dreams about eating lots of cupcakes and stuff (embarrassing!) I always tried making everyone else believe that I didn't eat that much, that I was careful, that I exercised, that I might have something that's keeping me from losing weight, you know, a "mysterious" disease.....(I love this one) Anyway, I just kept filling everyone with excuses that only ended up hurting myself. So there, I'll just say it: I'm a faithful over eater.

So what's the problem? In America being overweight is not unusual, have you checked out our obesity statistics? It's crazy, we're the number one with the problem. And in a way, it's cool when you're fat, there's fat acceptance groups, people don't stare at you when you're walking down the street, almost nobody picks on you because obesity has become a part of our daily lives, it's more normal than ever so what's my problem? I refuse to accept myself like this.

No matter how much people go on and on about how appearance doesn't matter (sadly it does) and how they say you should be liked just as you are, and how you need to learn to love yourself no matter what and that being fat is not at all that bad. I don't believe any of this. I do believe everyone should love themselves no matter the size, but the rest are just lame excuses to try and avoid the truth: being overweight is flat out dangerous, that's just reality, it just comes down to that really. We are slowly but steadily chopping off years of living and living well for that matter.

Beauty is on the inside....
Yes, I'm also a faithful believer in this, I do think in the end it comes down to this but let's face it:
I care about how I look. Especially now that the whole "opera singers are fat" movement is completely over (look at Ana Netrebko!). It also feels awesome to look in the mirror and be proud of who you see. Everyone of you out there that has lost weight before, or has been successful on a diet, knows that amazing feeling. Why can't we just say it: looking good feels amazingly great.

So why do we let ourselves become food's faithful followers when we know how much harm we're doing to ourselves? that's the purpose of this blog.

I've been at war with overweight for as long as I can remember, I am 27, too young for some, not so much for others, and I gotta tell ya that at this point, after countless attempts on losing weight, it feels as though I'll never get there; but I don't want to give up, I refuse to do it, I want to fight this war and win it, I want to be healthier and be proud of who stares back at me in the mirror, I want to invite anyone who's out there to join me in this quest, I really need your support, I have no one here in cold Milan (being the capital of fashion everyone here is pin-thin!!!) and I'm just looking for anyone who will share their story with me so we can hopefully encourage each other in fighting this.

The first acceptance step: I'm fat, at only 27 I weigh 205 lbs. I'm 5'5. Do the math.
My question is: Are you in?